It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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