I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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