...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
