I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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