i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
