god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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