I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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