I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
MIDGETS
????
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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