I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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