fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
