Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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