My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I did not marry a roomba.
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