we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
