Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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