summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
