if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
