dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
