eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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