We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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