It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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