genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
