I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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