just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
