No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
