Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Gay?
German.
Pity.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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