I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize