3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
