I'm going to jail i love you
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
