community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
