You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
