ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
