Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
smell my finger.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
