i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize