plz talk dirty to me
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
