when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
birth control should be required to get into college
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
