I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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