hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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