walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
