she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
