I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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