that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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