and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
