so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
