he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
