He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
