Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
