hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
