I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
