everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
