Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
