and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
