Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
