My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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