Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she told me i tasted like america
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
