How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
