Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
