i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize