Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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