i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
