yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
