If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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