Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
