Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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