Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
